Genetic conditions
 
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I am keeping a pretty big secret and I'm feeling very stressed. I will explain this in an answer cos it's hard to sum up

By jesspants Asked Nov 3 2009 3:44PM
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Top Answer out of 6

by jesspants on Nov 3, 2009 at 3:47 pm Permalink

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I found out that my sons great aunty has tested positive for a genetic disease that can cause multiple tumors that sometimes turn malignant and overstimulate the adrenal gland causing heart problems.

She told me this information so that I can get my two year old son checked for this disease and has asked me not to tell my sons father who is not currently a part of my sons life. His mother knows about the disease but has chosen not to tell him.

Even if my son tests negative (the tests are in progress and will be ready in about 4 months) it does not rule out his dad as being a carrier. I have trouble sleeping at night keeping this from my sons dad when I could email him and let him know about this, but if I do it will cause serious conflict in the family in that my sons dad might resent his mother for not telling him and he is already estranged from his own dad and he will disown his great aunty for speaking to me because he strongly resents me for having his child. Considering what might happen if he does have the disease and it is misdiagnosed I think it is worth the possible turmoil it will cause within the family. Just wanted to hear other peoples thoughts cos I feel so alone and I am very stressed about all this. Thank you
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Avatar -Icy- Nov, 03 2009 at 03:56 PM
+6 i have read this twice. i also have been torn between trying to make everyone happy. your words, I think it is worth the possible turmoil it will cause within the family. you just need support to have the courage perhaps. you have mine. i will do anything i can to help you during this difficult time. the waiting sometimes is the hardest part when waiting for tests to come back. i really feel bad for all the struggles that you are facing and dealing with. i have found at the end of the day when i lay my head against the pillow that i am more at peace if i follow my heart even if others might get a little miffed at me. they love me they accept me, you know ?
Avatar jesspants Nov, 03 2009 at 04:11 PM
Rosie my sons whole family despises me for having my beautiful son however his great aunty has always stood by me and wants to be part of my sons life. The privacy act prevented her from telling me about this earlier because I am not a relative and my son is only 2 so she couldn't really tell him..lol. She had to hire lawyers so that the health board could contact me and let me know. She has not told my sons dad because she will lose her relationship with her sister who does not want to tell my sons dad. I think she might be in denial and does not want to consider it as a reality since her brother died from it when it was misdiagnosed. I don't understand these people as I would do anything to ensure my little boy was safe and healthy.
Icy thank you. Your support means alot. I know what you mean. I will meditate on it and listen to my heart about when and how to share this information and if my sons great aunty does not understand then maybe she is not the right person to b in our lives
Avatar -Icy- Nov, 03 2009 at 04:12 PM
i just wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. you know your ab family and friends are here to help.

Answer 2 out of 6

by Thriftymaid on Nov 3, 2009 at 3:51 pm Permalink

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This is information that needs to be shared. Whatever upset it causes, so be it.
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Avatar -Icy- Nov, 03 2009 at 04:00 PM
+6 ab can be a wonderful support family.
Avatar Thriftymaid Nov, 03 2009 at 04:00 PM
Your welcome. Just go ahead and tell him and turn the ringer off on your phone. :)
Avatar HasntBeen Nov, 03 2009 at 04:04 PM
Agreed. You need to tell him, and let the chips fall where they may. "Family politics" does not outweigh the need to inform someone about a possibly life-threatening situation.

Answer 3 out of 6

by -Icy- on Nov 3, 2009 at 3:45 pm Permalink

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ok hon, take your time and i will check back.
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Avatar jesspants Nov, 03 2009 at 03:49 PM
thanks Sweetie I have posted it :)
Avatar Thriftymaid Nov, 03 2009 at 03:50 PM
+6

Answer 4 out of 6

by Emmi331 on Nov 3, 2009 at 3:57 pm Permalink

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What does your "gut" tell you to do? It rarely leads you wrong.
Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing in the face of others who have NOT done the right thing and will be angry. Honestly, I'm shocked that his family said nothing to your ex., especially if this is a life-threatening condition.
Do you have any clue as to why they withheld this information?
Please keep us posted.
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Avatar jesspants Nov, 03 2009 at 04:20 PM
the great aunty is keeping it secret cos she is respecting her sisters wishes not to let her son know(my little boys dad) If she does tell she fears it will damage the relationship between my sons dad and his mother because she knew this and didn't tell him and he is already estranged from his father so he will have no-one to turn to (he is only 21) Also everyone will stop talking to my great aunty because they have asked her not to have anything to do with me since I am such a "horrible person" for having my son against his dads wishes.
This condition can be life threatening if it is not monitored, however some carriers of the gene never become ill at all. Thats what makes it difficult but I guess you have to consider the worse case scenario when making a decision like this cos you never really know. I think my gut says to wait for my sons tests results that I will get in a few months
Avatar Emmi331 Nov, 05 2009 at 04:24 PM
Good for you, and I wish you all the best. And that aunty and her sister did your child's father a disservice, IMHO.

Answer 5 out of 6

by rose1980 on Nov 3, 2009 at 3:49 pm Permalink

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Yes, deary, take your time. We are all here for you.
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Answer 6 out of 6

by Kiwi girl aka jeanie16 on Nov 3, 2009 at 5:18 pm Permalink

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that is a very big thing to have lumped on you shoulders jesspants, if nothing else, doesnt it serve to point out how sad it is when people have animosity and anger involved within relationships, I agree with most of the above answers, if its life threatening, then your ex most likely should know, why his family havent told him themselves is quite beyond comprehension. Do they not love him?
Why dont you wait for your results to come back, then discuss the options with your own medical doctor, and ask his suggestion on the problem as well.

and yes, finally, your gut feelings are most often right.

good luck, :)
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Avatar jesspants Nov, 03 2009 at 06:13 PM
Thanks Jeanie. I really don't understand this family they seem very disconnected with their souls and I think are living predominantly in ego, however you would think that the love of their Nephew/Son would override any silly soap opera family dramas.
If I knew for sure he had the gene there would be no question in my mind. I'd be writing an email to my sons father as soon as possible. though even if he did have the gene the disease can remain dormant but I still think it's worth saying something because if (knock on wood) something did occur and I never said anything I would consider myself responsible.
My heart does say to wait till the test results but I still feel quite uneasy and restless and I just pray that by some twist of fate the results come back early.
Thanks :)


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