My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me for nearly a year & caught a deadly STD, but won't tell me which one. So far, I've tested (-) for all my doctor tested me for, but I'm still scared, angry, confused and just plain sad. I feel lost. Any advice?

Okay, I have 2 things to say about this.

One, I echo the advice and support that other folks are giving you here.

Two, from the question I assume that you have only his word for it that he caught it and that it is deadly. Given that he has proven to be a scumbag by cheating on you and for so long, you might want to take his 'word' with a healthy dose of skepticism. If you broke up with him over the cheating, his telling you about the STD might have been his way of exacting revenge on you - not a healthy or nice thing to do. If you have been to your doctor and all tests so far have been coming back negative, this sounds suspicious to me. I cannot say for sure, obviously, but please think about it.

If you haven't already broken up, please consider it because he has already proven that he can't be trusted with either your feelings or your health. And given his coyness about the STD, whether he has it or not, he is still not being honest and trustworthy with you.

Anyway, good luck and remember that after six years, it will take you quite a long time to get over this, even if you break up for good reason.


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One more thing to remember - in some jurisdictions, patients with STDs are obliged to reveal their sexual partners so they can be notified and receive medical care. It's a public health issue and the laws are strict. Check to see if this is the case where you live - if no-one has notified you officially, go directly to your public health department and inquire about how you go about finding out if your name is on one of their contact lists. If it isn't then your bf is really just being cruel by telling you what he did.

I don't know if this will help you, but if it's HIV then you won't test positive for at least six weeks after you got infected. If you test negative after 6 weeks then rejoice, as you won't develop AIDS

If you have a Planned Parenthood in your neck of the woods.. you may think about sitting down and just talking with someone.. sometimes verbalizing your fears, confusion and sadness leads you to steps of healing. You may want to try a hotline where you can talk to someone without having to see them in person. Get some of it out.
Talk to someone as I know you have to be hurting. Sorry that was done to you.
It is horrible when someone you love and trust hurts you.. carrying on a year behind your back.. grrrr ..sorry but you really are better off without him as he had no regard for your safety, trust and heart to have done this for so long and to have risked his and your health.

Two words for you: legal action. You must get a court to order him to give details because your health is at risk. You may even have a case for mental cruelty and damages. Get a lawyer now. Take care. You deserve a hug.

What a total prick for not telling you what deadly STD he has contracted. That is disguisting, and quite illegal here in Australia.

Here in Australia he could even be charged with knowingly passing on a deadly STD.

Whatever you do, don't have unprotected sex with anyone until you get the full results for yourself.

AID's for example takes quite a period of time to show up on test results apparantly, up to 6 months later, so keep getting tested till then. Hopefully you will be okay.

Lose your boyfriend away, my friend; and try your best to move on and away from him, even if it means hurting yourself too much. Nobody needs a CHEATER these days. If he goes to hell, would you sacrifice going to hell too, even if you knew you've never made any fatal mistake at all?
Dear, you can still have a life with or without him. He's just your "bf". You can still run free, and look for the one who'd really "LOVE YOU with FAITHFULNESS & FIDELITY".....
I hope you find the right path. May God bless you....

It amazes me that there is even a page like this- this is real? this actually exists? That means that some guy out there somewhere actually did this thing... It's completely cruel, and I believe childish as well. I don't know if this is his way of trying to hold on to you, or if he just... oh I don't even know what his problem is- but as a few others have said, you need to leave him now if you haven't already. He will only cause you heartache, as he was sleeping with someone else- what kind of commitment is that? But even worse, he is toying with your life like some kind of joke. Whether he has it or not, he needs to tell you what it is. It's just sick not to.

I know you must feel horrible about everything, just be strong and even if you are not used to it, you need to go ahead and put yourself first to get through this. Remember it's your LIFE we're talking about here.

well if it was me i wouldnt be with him anymore. if you have been together for 6 years and he cant even tell you then he really doesnt care about your feelings. without him telling you how are you supposed to get over your problems. hes being totaly selfish. i know how much you must be hurting to be in this situation, try talking to him and if he still wont consider your feelings show him the door, from what i can gather yu will be better off without him

Have you asked him why he won't tell you? He's probably just very scared he's going to loose you. You may not have what he has now, but you eventually could catch it. I would leave him, if I were you. Yes, you really love him, and I understand, but your health and life is more important than him messing with your head. Plus he was sleeping with someone for a whole year? I don't think so. You do not deserve to be stepped on like that. Your going to be sad for along time if you don't get out of that relationship. Yes, you and him have done many things together. Yes, you have a lot of good memories, but please just think about everything that has happened. I'm sure other people have spoke to you about this same thing. I was once with a man who did that to me, and was very sad. I was married to him for 5 yrs, and finally had to leave. I left at the right time, and I'm glad I'm not with him anymore. It took me 3 try's to get away from him, because I loved him so much. But now I'm much happier, and my kids are doing much better.

I really dont know what to say or what advice to give other than moral support. It might not mean much from a complete stranger but my best friend is going through the same situation. So if I can be of any help, let me know! (e-mail is on my profile) Just dont give up hope! It will be ok in the end!

get rid of his diseased ass!

Do yourself a favor listen to tomleykis.com & get some clues on how us guys think..

your EX-boyfriend is a real shithead...

stay out of relationships for awhile... get laid as needed with PROTECTION.. enjoy having a single lfe!

i HOPE you got rid of that bastard. Really. It's one thing to cheat on a person once, tell them and be sorry, but it's another to cheat on them for a YEAR and threaten their life with it. I would definitely bring him up on charges. It's illegal to expose someone to a deadly STD without telling them. Send his ass to the slammer.

yes, kick him out. he is a cheat and obvoiusly did not respect you. and worse of all he won't tell you what deadly std he could have given you. He is a rat. I for one would not want tobe in a relationship with someone who desrepect me like that. I hope you will be ok. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Get rid of this person. He does not care about you if he cheated, put your health in danger by doing it, and refuses to tell you what he has. Move on without him and keep getting tested.

I guess you will find out at his funeral.

1. Dump the dude.
2. Pray to God for assistance and comfort.
3. Get support from friends and family.
4. Follow medical instructions to the letter.
5. Know that you are loved and you will get through this time.

You need to get a lawyer. It's against the law for him not to tell u. Make sure u have taken all the test for STD that u can not get rid of first. Be very careful and i wish u the best of luck sweety.

Are you still with him? He won't tell you which disease? I think he can go to jail for that. I'm serious..lots of people who deliberately infect others with HIV are now being dealt with in courts.

you can fix his wagon by getting a court order so he must be tested and the results made know to you , you can have him charged for knowingly having sex with you while he knew he had std's and didn't tell you ...they can even charge him with attempted murder for spreading a deadly std(and he has to you)(and maybe someone else)..... so do it and do it now...make the scum pay !

well dont have sex with him and he doesn't respect you enough to tell you what it is he that he has then you really need to go... don't even has sex with a condom with him....no sex at all... he might have HIV sphillis(spelling) or hepatitis! all deadly.....

You asked this is December 2006 (what a nightmare, right before Christmas). So, what happened, what did you do? Did you stay or go. Am curious how it worked out for you and where you are now. I'll bet Christmas was awful.

Edit... I noticed this is an old question so the young Lady has already had her outcome. What I say is solid advice, however, so I am leaving it up. I hope she comes back and tells me how she fared....

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Oh now that would be cause for justifiable homicide in a perfect world.

I second the other voices... I hope you kicked him to the curb and I hope you used a big boot.

How long ago did he break this lovely news to you?

The one you have to worry about is HIV. The main worry time is the first month, however, 2 years is solid worry time as well. The HIV virus can, according to the last I heard which is out of date, remain dormant for up to 10 years.

I am sorry I must tell you this but I have worked in the medical field all of my life and I have been on the "front lines" since HIV arrived.

The other STDs you do not have that much worry with. They are curable. HEPc is managable.

Gods I would be angry. I know that the medical issues are little compared to what you are undergoing emotionally.

One of my ex'es called me on the telephone in the late 80's and told me that she had seroconverted (become HIV+) right before our last sexual act and she had not told me because she wanted to infect me. Turns out that THAT was a lie she used to frighten me. I can just imagine what you are undergoing.

Get yourself tested for awhile for HIV and HEPc, plus seek out more tests from the doctor and, if you are religious... pray.

The following comes from this web site: http://www.sfaf.org/aids101/hiv_testing.html#window The Information on this site is one of the more reliable ones I've studied. It has a lot of good information on it in addition to the WINDOW of TESTING included here. I've so sorry about what you are going through and I WOULD suggest you find out if you can use the law to get copies of his medical records...he just might be scamming you...but in THIS CASE...you cannot take any risks at all.

Window Period

The "window period" is the time it takes for a person who has been infected with HIV to react to the virus by creating HIV antibodies. This is called seroconversion.

During the window period, people infected with HIV have no antibodies in their blood that can be detected by an HIV test, even though the person may already have high levels of HIV in their blood, sexual fluids, or breast milk.

Here is what the CDC says about the window period:

"Antibodies generally appear within three months after infection with HIV, but may take up to six months in some persons."

This CDC definition of a three to six month window period has been commonly used for a number of years.

What does this mean for you?

* The three month window period is normal for most of the population. Many people will have detectable antibodies in three or four weeks. Very, very rarely (i.e., only a few cases ever), a person could take six months to produce antibodies.
* You may be anxious to be tested soon after an encounter which you perceive to be risky (for a discussion of what behaviors put you at risk for HIV and which ones do not, see the section on How HIV Is Spread). You want to know: can I be antibody tested without waiting three months? How accurate is the test after, say, six weeks?

Unfortunately, we simply don't know.

Think about this: if you got a negative test at six weeks, would you believe it? Would it make you less anxious? If so, then go for it. But to be certain, you will need to be tested again at three months. Some test centers may recommend testing again at six months, just to be extra sure.

Although HIV may not be detected by a test during the window period, HIV can be transmitted during that time. In fact, individuals are often most infectious during this time (shortly after they have been exposed to HIV).

First of all you need to pack this boys junk and leave it on the curb. Then, I would suggest making sure that every single person who knows him in a personal, not professional way, knows what this ass did to you. How dare he cheat on you and then tell you he gave you a deadlty disease? Next, set up an appointment with your doctor once a month for the next six months at least to be tested. And last get yourself a lawyer and sue his happy butt for pain and suffering and to get his medical records released. And get yourself some couciling cause you're going to need it. Iam so sorry this happened to you. It's going to take time, but you will get through this.

is it possible that he's lying about the STD to take the focus off the fact that he cheated?

Well, I hope you have gotten away from him...anyone who is knowingly doing this to someone else--doesn't really love them.

If I were you, I would become a very frequent patient to the doctor. If your (hopefully) ex-boyfriend won't give you any info then just go to the doctor frequently so anything that comes up will be caught quickly so you can start getting treatment.

I read somewhere on one of the comments about the legal aspect of this and if you live in a more progressive area, you could bring about some legal recourse. In some areas, it is a crime to have sex with someone without revealing what STD's one has. You should check into that. Good luck.

Send me a private message.

If he cannot even bother to tell you which deadly disease he might have infected you with, I would kick him to the kerb. If I were you he would be an ex-boyfriend immediateley.

one word girl, "lawyer"!

Yes 6 Years...Wow thats a long time..But STD Can turn those 6 years to zero...i dont wanna hurt you in any way but a STD is very bad...That is the worst thing you can think of in a relationship...But other words keep ya head up.

Just break up with him. He doesn't deserve you at all! If you're staying with him one more day, you're doing him a favor.

When did you get tested? For HIV, you need to get tested six months after your first test because there is a window of time in which the antibodies aren't high enough to show up on a test... so definitely go back and have it redone after six months for your peace of mind.

i really feel for you but if your boyfriend don't ever care to protect himself from std's he will never think about you in the process.Thank god you are (-) for all STD's and get out of that relationship while the going is good because he will never stop cheating even if he say he will RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN LEAVE HIM ALONE.YOU COME FIRST.

I hope you're not with him anymore. I suggest you get retested every few months until you're satisfied and never speak to that guy again. Also, warn any girls you know about him.

I'm so sorry that you're forced to experience the pain, anger, and fear that arises from such an incomprehensible incident.

I hope and pray that you do seek legal remedy, not just for yourself, but for other young women who this guy is out to damage and damn.

If I were a person who wagered, I'd bet that he wishes you to think he's HIV+. I base this supposition on his use of the word deadly and on my sense that he's not the brightest bulb on the tree. HIV+ status used to be deadly prior to the use of ATZ and a whole host of other drugs. Of course, HIV is one of the first things a physician today will test for; you may want to have your physician test for syphillis and genital warts since these are sometimes difficult to detect.

Regardless of the physical component to this act of emotional terrorism, I urge you to find a mental health professional to speak with either through your county mental health agency or Planned Parenthood.

In addition and above all, have no further contact with your ex=boyfriend. He's not the person you thought he was, and he sounds like he's out to hurt you. You may want to seek an order of protection/restraining order to keep him away from you. With his eratic behavior and hatefulness, you cannot afford to ignore or to forgive him. Good luck and peace.

Yes. don't let the door hit you in the rear end, on the way out.

i'm not even going to begin with why you shouldn't be with this guy. however, i would go talk to a doctor or someone at planned parenthood. don't have sex with this guy any further, just in case. i'm not looking out for your mental health, just your physical health here. maybe see if there are some other STDs that are less common that they haven't tested you for. the more negative results you get from the test, the more reassured you can feel - hopefully. since some of them may not show up right away, i would ask which ones those are and what the timeframe is. go back and get tested when those timeframes have passed. hopefully, everything will come back clean and you can rejoice! this guy sounds like a real creep and i wouldn't be suprised if he is completely lying about the whole STD thing to begin with. obviously, he is not to be trusted.

It is possible that you have not caught if from him, but keep checking. The others are right that it can take several months for HIV to show up. If you haven't caught it yet (assuming he is telling the truth), you could catch it if you keep having unprotected sex with him.

I know that right now, you are hurt and confused. I am not going to tell you to dump him, but you must think about how he has treated you and decide for yourself if it is worth staying with him. Just keep in mind that if you have kids (now or in the future) with this man, you could pass any std's on to them. They can get AIDS. They can become blind from herpes. Do you want this for your children? Or, what happens to your children if your boyfriend gives you AIDS? If you both become too sick to care for your children, or if you pass away while they are young, your children will be raised by others. Do you want that for your kids? They will be heartbroken if they lose their parents.

Just some things to think about. I am guessing he may be pulling your chain, but don't take any chances, please.

could he be claiming to have an STD so he will figure you'd leave him? He could be making it up!

dumb his ass. after 6 year there might still be a connection but if he cheated then that means he doesnt want u he wants other gurls. dumb his ass

WELL first of all i want to say im sorry you had to go through all that and second of all, thats just like murder...i swear if we could get ppl for murder for st'd the world would be a lot safer. Anywho, its going to take some time to get over it (if you ever will at all nobody knows but you) but just live life to the fullest and do the best you can, nobody can make the outcome of you life except you. Just be true to yourself and unlike him, true to others. God's got a plan for you...Everything happens for a reason. just face everyday with a smile. i know easier said than done, but hey...a smiles contagious too try spreding that! :) :) :)

Get the hell away from that bad man!

I hope you have chosen to leave this relationship behind, due to the dishonesty and disrespect. Aside from that comment, by a "deadly" STD, I would assume he must mean AIDS, as most others are now treatable. Even AIDS can be 'treatable' to a high degree and many patients survive for years when caught soon enough.

What is wrong with this guy? Maybe he's just messing with your head.

kick him to the curb. that is horrible.
mans evil mind;;;

he wanted too give you a dealy disease.

talk too him and make him tell you.

feel better!

um dump him asap....& go on with your life

i would suggest taking legal action.

First of all get rid of his ass and dirty dick, go and see a doctor and get tested, check for HIV aids to, what kind of asshole has unprotected sex these days..

drop his ass....nobody deserves that bs

Reading between the lines in would suggest that it is herpes, HIV or hepatitis B or C. As far as i am aware all the rest can be got rid of with atibiotics, once you have the herpes virus it is with you for life but lies dormant and is only contagious when sores are visible.

Anyway enuff on the std...why are you still with this man? what is going on in your deep places that allows you to put up with a) appalling disrespect and b) a constant std threat

Babe, look to yourself on this one, you can stay around and be the victim of your boyfriends behaviour or you can walk away. How do you know whatever he has doesnt impact on any kids you might have. You are more important than him and you need to recognise it. You do not need his permission to be an independant grown up living your life in a way that doesnt threaten you.
If you choose to stay then you need to ask yourself why? i mean in terms of yourself, are you scared to leave, is he what you think you deserve etc etc?

A one of shag i can understand tho id still have issues with him about putting you at risk, but an ongoing affair with all the lies and manipulation that is involved? And you are still there??????

Take a cold hard reality check babe and go be alone or meet someone more worthy of you

The man is an idiot. i wish you could see it.